LW, one of the things you could do is take a hobby (or pretend to) and have that as your backup plans. I feel like its asking me to say yes or no to an invitation / commitment before I even know what it is (like, if youre having a party I might be free, but my babysitting quota is full for the month so no to that). Then there is the Miss Manners rebuff, where the pitch is level until the final word is raised. You an also use it to deflect people like the commenters who are entirely not malicious, because it can serve the same purpose of filling small talk, providing a topic of easy conversation, and/or signaling that you are busy but flexible to people you actually like. 25 of the Best Responses to "How Was You Weekend" - Tosaylib So setting a rent that I would for any other adult is simply not applicable. (Seriously? Him: What are your plans for the weekend? The joke about (insert joke) cracked me up on your profile. (that said, I do aim at treating her the way I would an adult roommate.) And do you trust the asker not pull a But you SAID you were free, that means YOU PROMISED!(for me, someone who puts pressure on/pouts/lays on a guilt trip after I say no to an invitation gets an automatic LOL NOPE FOREVER response. How to Reply to Online Dating Messages the Right Way And partly because, depending on exactly what one wants and what cost one is willing to pay, challenging the culture is how it gets changed. YOU WILL NEVER FORGET THIS VIDEO. No, it had just been earlier that very day. Im an introvert that needs enough time in my week for quieter things around my own home without people. My daughter is also struggling with brainweasels and getting a job. And it absolutely has a cost, even for him. In that case I would begin with the duty: I need a babysitter. In general, most people will expect a response like this when they . Thank you. You went out and you didnt even invite me? he said, Well I asked you if you had plans and you said you were doing homework! Well yeah, because I had no other plans at that time because you did not indicate to me that there were any other options! More and more, Ive been owning that I dont ever have to say yes. Of course, you might have said that when you know that movie will be out for weeks and youd absolutely prefer to have an excuse to build a couch cushion fort and have an audience who is actually impressed by your terrible magic tricks, and no one wins. I dont know many people who issue we should hang out soon with the expectation that the recipient is then supposed to plan an event if they agree? The asker might want the invitee to give some input on what theyd like to do, but thats not the same as expecting them to do all the planning. I will probably just need some time to unwind, perhaps to watch the Winter Olympics with my cat.. Well, now I know? that sounds fun! Example: What are you doing? Now shes supposed to go on a date with me if I ask for one!. Great Responses to "What are you doing?" - HubPages - Joseph Addison - Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you. Why? Here's a more thorough list of things Siri manages to do well most of the time: Making a call / Facetime. ? comments. Sometimes I feel like this is just another Hi, how are you? kind of question that can be sort of skipped over. Now when he asks I say party like a rock star. I get the where are you from? question all the time. I think LW is unable to separate people doing something that they personally find annoying, and people intentionally trying to annoy them. For those who are ready to stand out from the crowd, we've gathered ten hilarious out of office messages that will inspire you to raise the bar the next time you sit down to write an autoresponder. And I hate being rude, also as a woman I am hardcore trained to not ever be rude, so at this point for me sticking to my guns and saying no, I cant do that thing with you (even though this person now knows I technically CAN) is very difficult because it turns into: I dont WANT to do this thing with you, and thats a no-no (around here, I mean). BLah, I realized I didnt finish the thought, I suppose that before I started responding that way they thought I was sitting alone rocking back and forth in the dark.. Are you doing anything this Thursday night? whyyyy do you need to know? I just had a talk with my DD about this- she will text me do we have plans Saturday I usually respond with Why? Obviously we have a different relationship than a friend to friend thing. As others have mentioned, if I say yes Im free and then they offer something I dont want, then I *really* feel the pressure to say yes because Ive already essentially told them I have nothing better to do. Nobody listens anyway. Like if I can magically guess the exact time theyre free and what they want to do with literally no input from them I guess I win hanging out with someone who wasnt that enthusiastic with the suggestion that we make plans? Its just one of the normal options. To me layering (which I definitely do) is more about putting my information out there first and hinting that Ill be chill if you say no, as opposed to initiating the conversation while asking the other person to show their cards first, which feels at the least unfair, and at the most, as you say, like a trap. A: Thanks, you too. LW is pretty clearly not talking so much about people making casual small talk as people being roundabout manipulative. This meme will hilarious remind them. And the balls in their court if they were actually trying to set up something fun. I really thought that an invitation was going to come later. I saved up enough to move out. And they tend to be very very very sure of what counts as racism (nothing they do/say, of course), with an overlay of you should be grateful I am nice to you to wrap it all up. Just how I like it :). For an acquaintance, depends. I hate ditherers with the passion of a thousand suns. I love organizing events and I confess to having asked that annoying question several times, mostly in order to know if a particular friend I would love to invite is available on that date. My husbands family is large and I generally love them, but sometimes I just do not want to eat little smokies and chips with 40 other people in a loud house with tons of screaming children. She didnt have other plans; she just wanted to draw a line in the sand about him telling her what to do. Since "doing" is an action verb, we need to use the adverb "well" to describe that action. Should I keep doing what Im doing? Acquaintances or co-workers get a vague answer, like, {5 words to say Im in/out of town or am/arent super booked}, then, What are you up to? because its really just small talk. Funny Response to How Are You There are many fun things we could say and people will think that you're smart and interesting! Me: Working. Also works for the similar How ARE you? @Grant Us Eyes mentioned. It kind of sucks to be going about your business and then people remind you that you dont fit in. Ahhhh the family stuff. When a friend asks and I find out that I am busy I often offer some other day to show them that I am interested in hanging out with them. I would actually be pretty weirded out by a friend who a) felt this was genuinely intrusive BUT b) also would not actually tell me they felt this was too intrusive. I kind of resent that you assume I will tell you. You: Oh, I have a few plans but Im free for the good stuff!. For that matter, even confident people can fall into the What are you doing Thursday? trap when theyre trying to sound unassertive. In the UK I think some places greet each other with all right? all right? and nobody blinks an eye. Explain yourself; dont make me drag it out of you. 7 Tricky Work Situations, and How to Respond to Them As such, I like to preface it with taking care of some stuff. I get lunch with my coworkers on Friday and there is a lot of so is anyone doing anything interesting this weekend? in our conversation. B: Cool. In the age of smartphones I also often find that my calendar is inside the device Im holding up to my ear In theory I could ask them to pause the conversation while I check the calendar, but I havent yet found a script to actually get them to stop talking while I do that. Ive got a couple things going, do you have any plans? I can find someone else, so dont worry if youd rather not-Mittens likes you, so I thought of you first, but I know at least two people who have been angling for some alone time with the fountain., Translation: Here are all the ridiculous things I am asking for, and the dubious rewards I can offer in exchange. Im really only comfortable with this question in that context from very close friends who I can trust to react well to Thanks, but Im not really up for X. Otherwise, the question makes me feel that Im being manipulated into agreeing to something before I know what it is. Thanks, I woke up like this. 4. Im trying to train her out of the habit. That would create some damage. Like Sounds great but tonight wouldnt work for me or Yknow what, Im pretty tired, I could have made something shorter work but that play will just be too much or just Hm, nah. Dont do that to a friend. Him: Doing anything else? Setting that aside for the moment, its apparently *supposed* to go like this: The lines of dominance and power are what make this a problem. I guess its a cultural thing, I come from a non-English speaking country in Europe and here, I feel, admitting that you dont have Plans-Plans, and then declining an invitation, would be seen as pretty rude. Good, looks like the flowers are coming out (in Spring) Thats because I regard is as manipulative and Im very surprised that some people consider it a way to make saying no easier instead of harder. This is how I feel too. It can be so hard to set boundaries with the inlaws! I have to say that I get and have come to dread the variant Are we doing anything Saturday from my mom, who will use it to mean anything from I havent seen you in DAYS and I want to do something with you but dont want to impose by actually asking to I have received an invitation to something but dont want to desert you. Born and raised in the US, and I also think this is a weird question not to answer literally. Whereas it might feel more awkward/imposing for her, and less for me, to just ask outright, Do you want to go to [event] on [this day]?. How hard is it, whats the timing, is it just for me personally (thats a favor), or is it for the greater familyHER greater family? Do you feel obligated to help hosting her party when she wants to invite her people over? My response to that is usually a sassy Depends, why?. Cause you dont have to find out if Im busy BEFORE inviting me to something or asking me for a favor. I feel like sometimes there is such a huge anti-parent bias among the commenters here. Its been pretty good policy.) Funny How To Respond To WYD (What Are You Doing) Texts Same as being busy all the time rather than saying, No, I dont want to hang out. Its the more broad-scope? She asked me if we were doing anything on a certain day and I was like I cant think of what it is right now but we are definitely doing something that day. She then mentioned a big thing that was on in town this week and yes, that was in fact the thing that we were going to, so I was like Yes! (Id definitely use this for the likely-to-request-babysitting sister, for the recordany time youre asking someone a favor, you lead with that, you dont try to trap them into it!). Me: Nope. Answer vaguely. Helen Huntington already explained it very well. And I think for online dating purposes Im going to assume #2 unless I get significant evidence otherwise. Its all the other situations I listed that bother me the ones where I dont always know the purpose of the question / true intent of the asker, or I suspect its to get me to do something. Ive got[an alligator to befriend, etc]. Nothing much (I have one coworker who now sometimes asks me What are you doing this weekend? Your tactic of combining the two points is the right way to go, I think. And if its clearly just conversation, (and you want to participate further) offer up something else, If you follow through with people you actually want to see (as in, Can I let you know tomorrow? = You actually let them know one way or another tomorrow), you arent being a jerk by not responding immediately to their questions or invitations, and you dont owe a full accounting of your time. I might hang out with some friends on Sunday. This particular response though, is one of my favorite comments ever. But different cultural norms! Am I? I would think that if one is up to the point of having to plan food, one would have also issued a direct invitation? Shes moving and needs a van? Riding an elephant. Every girl loves the rebel without a cause. I like your point that it does actually give people the outyouve put it in their minds that they can say Im busy., Its what I dothough I often try to say the thing first (Want to go to a movie? It shows that you're a calm and cool person who is easy to talk to and has no problem whether someone says hey or hello. This suitable during the Halloween period. Now, when someone asks, I reply, Im not sure what Ill be in the mood for. If someone responds with an offer of plans, I can then say, Nice! FRIEND: I am available [date]! Based on your listed interests, it looks like we have a lot in common. Ill have to check with E and let you know is super convenient. Can we not with passing judgement on the validity of the LWs feelings about this phrase? See also, sometimes when someone is rude or difficult, I will pretend they said something nice or appropriate and respond with a total non-sequitur. Thats where I am as well with my kid. after reading a ton of CAs archives I feel comfortable telling people, Im up to nothing both Saturday and Sunday, and I CANNOT WAIT. Nothing much. (To the point where one of my coworkers will sometimes ask What are you doing this weekend? 14 "It was a riot! Fine, thanks, and you? 20 questions to ask instead of "How are you doing right now?" - Quartz The kind of situation where someone finds out you are free that evening and then says, Good! Why? They were being blunt and probably didnt realize the pressure I felt to say yes to direct requests, and didnt understand why I felt hurt when, upon working up the courage to ask for something directly, it was turned down. Him: Nothing at all? ? I had a boss once who sometimes wanted to know if I could work overtime on the weekend, but sometimes wanted to know if there was quirky events on that her daughter might be interested in. I used to get caught by this question. To me, thats pretty manipulative and when its done I generally conclude that its done on purpose. I am eating. I feel like something mundane like chores will get some pushback, or wont be seen as a task that takes up the whole day(s) off (if I do laundry Saturday, I can still go out Sunday! No matter what I say its, okay, well I was just gonna see if you wanted to [actual invitation / request]. But Im not interested in any work-related socializing that eats into my personal life). Thank you!!! As long as I sound friendly, folks who have no ulterior motive take it at face value, and the ones who are being invasively nosy, or hoping to trick me into something, are taken aback and sometimes given subtle notice that I will set boundaries This week is bad for me, but next week Im free except Tuesday. Relatedly, this is not an impolite thing to say. Funny, But True Weekend Quotes That Will Make You LOL So Hard I dont think my friends are trying to put me on the spot at all. Our college was selling cheap tickets for an outdoor ice skating event. ), Anyway, that wont do the job. I personally feel really pressured by the question simply because it puts me in the position of having to say yes or no before I even know what Im saying yes or no to. We should hang out sometime soon! Is something I expect people to either reply yeah that would be fun or ignore/tell me theyre swamped but wish they could do as a no. What are you doing tomorrow? Vacuuming the cat. If you're a naturally humorous and playful person, then you absolutely should let part of your personality shine through without clamming up. Trying to remember the name of that weird person you remind me of. Find an answer. Doesnt work with friends / family obviously, but I have to consult my husband every single time when it comes to sales pitches / offers in retail / invitations from strangers etc. I am on the spectrum, so I would anxiety-spiral about whether, once again, I missed a basic social skill everyone else learned in kindergarten. picked up a shift right off the bat. Also, Ive had dozens of this same conversation and witnessed hundreds more: [person comes up to their friend] Its not extreme when your life has several of those sharks who ask that just to trap you. This is just a funny response to give because it is the opposite of what they had asked just you. When I am planning an event I usually offer a description of what I have planned first and then we move to scheduling but most of that is done in social media or by e-mail these days. Flip the question back on them. It sounds like you find the second uncomfortable or have had bad experiences with people misusing it to manipulate you. Its like theyre trying to help you come up with justifications for saying no before they even ask you the question. If that's not a good enough answer for them, walk away, because there's nothing more you can say. On a walk with my dinosaur. Maybe actually I am just dealing with one of those people who force you to be blunt. I might be up for casual after work hangs but not going clubbing in that sketchy bar across town. I also feel compelled to give easy ways out when I feel like Im making a request, including ending requests with and no is a perfectly acceptable answer.. Of course, he keeps doing it his way, so I just ask dunno, why? My DH reminds me when predictable events are coming up and advises me to fill up my calendar! You wonder where he'll take you. Me: .No. Its up there with things like when are you going back home? or how does xy work back home? and other similar questions asked to people perceived as foreign (mostly for racial reasons). Whereas a lot of us see the advantages, like the precision you noticed, to some form of rapid written communication that wasnt around decades ago. How about you? Totally fair and perfectly polite. I may need some babysitting Happy Weekend Wishes, Messages and Quotes - WishesMsg Him: You must be doing something. But it can still be frustrating to deal with. +1, Im the same way. Sometimes your lover or friend may forget to send you a morning text. I always just say What do you have in mind? It hasnt failed me yet! My nos are not because I dont like you! Of course I only say that to the people I like lol. Sometimes people respond in a very vague way (oh just some family stuff), which will tell me that its private or they just dont want to discuss it with me and Ill drop it and switch topics. With some people, though, perfect honesty might be the best solution if you expect them to follow you closely in social media: Uh oh, that week is really busy and I am going to be very tired and stressed in [time]. For a close friend, you could answer more literally. I went to a lot of meetings I did not want to go because of this, cause I pretty much was cornered into it after admitting I have not set plans.. But I like to think that Im better at saying no now, even though people do sometimes react badly. But I hate this because then I have to pretend to wait while I figure out if my original plans are going through before I give them an answer. Darn, my wife wants me home early [so we can watch Netflix on the couch with our cat].. 2. Its only a trap when the same people use it repeatedly to rope you in to doing something you would otherwise be able to avoid gracefully. So yeah, I think your Swedish approach is fairly standard for American culture as well. This realization is making me like Tuesdays more.) For example, if there were a certain number of hours per week or month that she needs to work at certain things you set, Im not seeing a problem. I love that you are into mountain biking! We received your email and will get back to you with a (human) response as soon as possible. Fill in the gaps using the correct form of Future Simple Tense. I get that. There is no need to think about what they're up to or why they sent you the . I actually get this a lot from people who are actually trying to start conversations, rather than invite me somewhere. Whatever hits them the hardest should work just fine. You always say Im working on my crochet projects this weekend. I was usually planning board game evenings and role playing games and I only tried to ask people whom I knew to be interested in what I was planning. The problem with these is that the aforementioned cousin who wants you to babysit may treat your I dont know as nothing at all, I have zero excuses. You need to know your audience, but it does work well for the nosy-only requests. Its okay that I usually watch movies/play videogames/read all weekend and those arent shameful hobbies.
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